I would awake around 10.00 am on a day off from work (work would be 6 am for a work day but I will get to that later) and instantly feel as though I had not slept at all in the night! I would need to cough, well not just cough I would need to COUGH. Through the mist of my slumber and my endless coughing I would then reach for my cigarettes and the kettle to make a big mug of black coffee. There would be no conversation with anyone for at least another 40 minutes. I may as well have had printed lines on a coffee mug letting people know when I was sociable depending on how much I had drank at any given time.
Once my coffee had been drank there would be another cigarette followed by endless excuses as to why I felt sooooo bad; the time of year, working to hard, somebody giving me a dodgy pizza or kebab or curry or any other fat laden fast food garbage I had eaten the night before. Lets face it I was a heart attack just waiting to happen! My work mornings were exactly the same but earlier and more rushed. My second cigarette was running for the bus at 6.30 am. THEN WHEEZING.
I used to watch the paid commercials when flicking through the channels nearly comatose on the sofa seeing these 20 something women that glowed an annoying happiness but I was also in awe of them too secretly. "Why couldn't I be like that" I knew why but I wanted to make more excuses. I was lazy and just not bothered about my health or my diet. Why should I be? I had (thankfully still have) my partner who loves me so it wasn`t like I was on my own but then I started to see the looks. The looks from colleagues at work and the comments "what you got in your bag today" "another pack of doughnuts?" That was it!!. As well as having a poor diet and bad habits I also had OCD and I was not going to have people looking at me and even worse talking about me. It was time to change!!!!!
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